Letting go.
It’s hard sometimes.
I’ll admit.
I’m feeling it.
Resisting it.
Thrashing about in my muck with it.
Reflecting on its value.
Ultimately I am surrendering to it, knowing that pushing against the stream just blocks the flow.
I’m comforted by nature right now.
The leaves are magnificently displaying the beauty in letting go.
They demonstrate how glorious and colorful the release and death of a season can be.
CHANGES ARE COMING.
Part of me wants to slow them down. Or avoid them altogether.
Ahhh! I’m not ready.
Part of me wants to cling.
Cling to what I have.
Cling to what I know.
In a culture where adding on, getting more and acquiring are aims in success, we miss the riches in letting go.
Most people don’t realize that success is more about the letting go and in the give away.
The more attached you are, the less freedom you have.
The more empty you are, the more abundance you have.
When I set forth in my own quest for freedom and building a business to reflect my true self, I quickly discovered the necessity of letting go.
Letting go of beliefs, mindset, attitudes, habits.
Letting go of who I thought I was in service to becoming who I am meant to be.
I was frequently visited by the unnerving discomfort of exposure and the humility in honestly facing what needed letting go.
I am in deep letting go right now, and will be making an announcement as soon as I feel complete in my process and rise up with the courage to make it so.
In the meantime, here’s some goodness for you…
*** 33 ESSENTIAL THINGS TO LET GO OF TO MANIFEST TRUE ABUNDANCE & RICHES!! ***
I highly advise you read these! They are tried and true from my own messy yet fulfilling road to success. I get personal.
(1) VICTIM MENTALITY.
It starts here. I had to get real with myself about the residue of victim consciousness I was still carrying. There was a safety and even righteousness in it. I wanted to be vindicated. I wanted to be rescued. I wanted to be cared for. While the emotional needs of the victim are important to tend to — it’s key to do the work and move on. To shift from feeling “done to” to taking responsibility for my reality and results is fundamental to freedom.
(2) BLAME.
This is closely related to victim mentality. Recognizing how often I perceived it was others “fault” — even down to how people “made me feel”, was big. Taking ownership of my part, my influence and what I do have control over is huge.
(3) OVERTHINKING.
I’ve had a major issue with over thinking. I can ruminate about things over and over and over again. In the past, I’ve been totally overwhelmed by the volume of voices in my head. I really believed that the thoughts would give me the answer. But letting go of my false security in thoughts and trusting my body, heart and Soul has been liberating.
If you are here to live according to your truest desires and in alignment with your Soul — your thinking mind will never be able to comprehend the directives that come in. They will not appear “reasonable” & “practical” to your mind.
Overthinking denies your Soul/true self of its fulfillment.
(4) INDECISIVENESS.
This ties in with over thinking. OMG. Back and forth. What if this, what if that. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this battle.
Most women don’t really know themselves and what informs & guides the most aligned decisions. To be successful in business and to manifest what you truly desire, you must be decisive. For me, letting go of “what if I make the WRONG decision?” was key.
Also, in working with my mentor and co-leader, Connor Sauer, I’ve come to appreciate the role of Human Design in decision making. Our designs are like blueprints, revealing what is unique and “correct” for us.
(5) DECIDING FROM FEAR.
Recognizing how often the influence of my choices came down to fear, I let gooooo of it as having the “final say” in what I do (or don’t do).
This is one that I continue to refine, as the temptations of fear really can be all consuming. But ultimately, I know that fear has no place in dictating my business & life.
(6) CONFUSION.
I used to tell myself I’m confused. I then decided confusion is an excuse to procrastinate and play small. I tell women, “I don’t believe you” when they proclaim they are confused. We know what we know, and when we take the time to listen and honor what is true, there is no confusion.
Confusion is a lie we tell ourselves to avoid the truth.
(7) WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME.
Oh baby. The letting go of this “reason” to not make the commitment, take the action and BE the person who aligns with the reality I want is another biggie. As I say to my clients, on some level you never feel “ready”. Your Soul/Spirit stirs or calls and it can take forever for your head to catch up.
Is it important to make sure you feel aligned to a degree? Yes, there is a certain readiness you can arrive in. HOWEVER, most of us do not know when that is and hold off pursuing what we REALLY want because the time is just not “right”.
(8) BELIEVING I CAN’T HAVE IT THE WAY I WANT IT.
I really did believe for many years that I can’t have it the way I want it. It’s too much, it’s too unrealistic, it’s too pie in the sky, it’s too selfish,
it’s too impossible.
It’s just not true. NOT true, I tell ya!
(9) BELIEVING I HAVE TO STRUGGLE IN LACK TO PROVE I’M SPIRITUAL & THAT I CARE.
THIS is a revelation and a turning point. As I was doing my deliberate work on beliefs, digging into my subconscious to weed out what was sabotaging
my wealth and money success — I realized I believed that in order to prove that I am spiritual and that I care about others who are struggling, I have to struggle along with them. I SO LET THAT ONE GO!
(10) RESENTMENT & GRUDGES.
You know this, right? That grumbly, low grade anger toward something or someone that you just can’t shake? I’ve had my share. I felt justified
to hold onto them. It’s weird how holding them can provide a sense of power… which we know on some level is a myth.
Anyway, do an inventory, forgive and let that sh*% go.
(11) BEING RIGHT.
I had an AH-HA some time back that being right was a form of protection for me. Somewhere along the journey, I picked up an armor that included
feeling threatened by being “wrong”. I felt I had to prove myself to belong and to be valued.
A therapist asked me once, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” That changed everything.
Also, in order to grow, you have to allow yourself to be humbled in constructive feedback. You have to make mistakes. When I was getting my Masters Degree, I was consistently offered feedback from teachers and peers. At the beginning, I’d want to defend myself and explain why I did something the way I did — or how I really was better than what they were implying because I needed to improve. Eventually, I learned how to take feedback and now welcome it to be my best self.
(12) PERFECTIONISM.
I am a recovering perfectionist. Perfectionism will delay and derail. Getting it “just right” before it can go out in the world never happens.
Let it go.
That doesn’t mean you compromise value and excellence, but it means you stop waiting for a polished version your perfectionist will obsess about.
I adopted “progress, not perfection” in my business early on and it’s made a world of difference in getting results and in my peace of mind.
(13) EXCUSES.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. I’ve sure had my share. I’m sure I still have some relative to my next level goals. This is a confronting part of success.
We carry our “reasons” around like a badge of honor, seeking empathy and understanding for the hardships and difficulties we’ve endured or are currently experiencing.
It can seem insensitive or unkind to say, “That’s quite a story/excuse you’ve got there”.
But to me, it’s of the highest service in love to call BS on excuses.
(14) COMPLAINING.
Complaining is low vibe and doesn’t change anything. It’s a shadow of power which gives a false and short lived sense that you are doing something, when really you’re not. Let that shit go.
(15) SCARCITY THINKING.
Letting go of scarcity thinking is a process. It is EVERYWHERE. As I’ve awakened to greater levels of awareness, I’ve been able to see just how deep scarcity thinking runs. It starts with recognizing thoughts like, “I’m not enough. There is not enough time. There is a limited amount money. I have to compete to get anywhere. I have to take what I can get.” But then, you will start to see how just about everything is filtered through lack.
(I affirm: I let go of scarcity and lack and put my faith in the all-expansive, omnipresent, Divine abundance that is. Wholeness, sufficiency and plenty are real and demonstrating as truth.)
(16) MEDIOCRITY.
I’ll keep this one short and sweet. I chose to not live at the low standard that most people believe is “just the way it is”. We are not designed for barely adequate.
Not only do I reject mediocrity for me, I do so for my loved one’s, my clients and my community (that includes YOU).
(17) TOLERATING.
Let go of anything and everything you are tolerating. Like a rock in your shoe, your Soul is annoyed and your body is agitated by your tolerations. I continue to refine this one, recognizing places, people or situations I put up with out of an archaic habit.
(18) THE NEED TO BE COMFORTABLE.
Ah, yes. I say this to clients all the time… and like everything I impart, it comes from my own walk in life. The quest for comfort denies your growth.
In order to live at the levels of enjoyment, prosperity and fulfillment you crave you have to expand your capacity to be uncomfortable.
(19) DRAMA.
I let go of drama in layers. I realized some years ago I believed I needed drama in my life. My nervous system was wired for it. I created drama in my head, I sabotaged myself to create drama (which was one way I would try to prove to myself that people loved me), and I danced with drama in some of my relationships. It’s been intense. And it wore me down.
It was one of the reasons for the breakdown during my perimenopause initiation. My nervous system just was DONE with the drama.
NOTE: Our American culture is hooked on drama. Even addicted. The adrenaline, the twisted way to get an emotional thrill. It takes discipline to stay out of that field and remain focused on what matters.
(20) PERSONA.
I’ve had a belief in the past that to be liked, I had to be someone other than who I truly was. Like all women to one degree or another, the conditioning that started as a little girl took the uniqueness and authenticity right out of me. I let that go when I realized for me to be free, I need to be self-expressed. Holding back, pretending, putting on an “air” — AHHHH — that insults my Soul and feels like a prison.
One of the many reasons I love being in business is that it’s been an opportunity to heal my little girl and to build success based on who I am.
I have continued to push the edge as I’ve peeled away the masks and changed the way I show up in business that is void of persona.
I reject the idea that clients will only want to work with me if I show up in certain appealing ways.
(I pride myself on being a pioneer in the coaching industry who takes a stand for and models a way of achieving success and making money by being me!)
(21) FEAR & HATRED OF THE FEMININE.
Yeah, baby. The wild, mysterious realm of emotion and the deep wisdom of creation that Feminine is…she’s scary, unpredictable, dangerous and uncontrollable. Right? Well, that’s only part of the story.
But I can tell you that there’s no way I’d be at the level of success and wealth I am today without having let go of my fear & even hatred of the Feminine.
(22) TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY.
This revolutionized my life. Releasing my inclination to always make it about me– what was wrong with me, people not liking me, taking on others’ feelings & opinions –even believing the Universe didn’t “favor” me cuz I was struggling — was game changing.
(23) PEOPLE PLEASING.
Oooooh. This is one of my core teachings to my clients to help us be the leaders we are here to be. The desire to please is so deeply embedded in women. After all, aren’t we supposed to be pleasing? Blah. The more I’ve let go of this, the better my business and life have become. I still bump up against this one sometimes, for reals.
(24) SELF-CRITICISM.
Gosh. What can I say about this? We can be our own worst critic, beating ourselves up and berating ourselves. It’s true for me. I use SO hard on myself. I was mean harsh in my self-talk.
As soon as I discovered how erosive this is, I proactively changed my thinking. This has been a process as I’ve healed insecure parts of me.
(25) SELF-NEGLECT.
Neglecting my values, my needs, my desires and my feelings used to be just the way it was. When I chose to create a new kind of life filled with wealth, health and happiness, I realized that letting go of self- neglect was mandatory.
As I studied wealth consciousness, I could see that self -neglect is a form of scarcity. The lack of abundance, receiving and money was a manifestation of self-neglect. Whew. Letting that go definitely had me wrestling with my worth issues, but ultimately I know I deserve better. YOU deserve better.
(26) THE PAST AS A POINT OF REFERENCE FOR WHY IT CAN’T HAPPEN.
Real quick on this one. What has happened in the past or “how it is” is not relevant to what can be.
(27) SHAME.
With shame, let’s just keep it simple and say that I’ve carried a lot of it and done deep work to let it go. You should, too.
(28) GRIEF.
We live in a culture that doesn’t give us the tools or space for grief. When I started my journey into the Feminine mysteries and was introduced to sweat lodge, I tapped into grief I didn’t know I had. As I let go of who I wasn’t to honor who I really am, I encountered a lot of unprocessed grief.
Unprocessed grief is a barrier to free flowing life force. After benefiting from the power of grief work, I started co-leading Grief Retreats and have for 14 years. I can say confidently that letting go of grief is essential.
(29) WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME.
I’d say that THIS is one of the TOP 3 reasons people are not successful, thriving and wildly rich. The trap of what others think creates a suffocating grip.
I have gone through a variety of stages letting this go. Starting my business, I would stay up at night worrying about what people thought of me. I let that go long enough to launch.
It came up in another cycle of business success when I chose to become even more authentic, transparent and real in my messaging. In my vulnerability, I was afraid that people wouldn’t think I was professional enough. I thought perhaps if I was “too” real, I’d lose credibility.
Then, it happened again when I wanted to break through the 6-figure ceiling. OMG. I thought, “People are really going to think less of me if I make money”.
Then, there was a whole new layer that came forward during my dark night 2 years ago and a couple women defaulted on their agreement (rare in my
10+ years of business) and accused me of things like bullying. WTF? Recently, a former client wrote a message to her list about a “high-end coach” that used manipulation to sell her.
I was totally blown away by these experiences and not expecting them at all with the level of rapport I had developed with them. I was mortified that anyone would think those things about me. I REALLY had to do some work on letting those go.
The thing is, we have NO control over what people think of us. Staying in integrity with my values and my God/Source is the key to this one for me.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
~Lao Tzu
(30) PEOPLE WHO DON’T HONOR YOU FULLY.
One of the most difficult teachers of my entire life has been relationships. I honestly have had extremely hard relationships, wrought with drama, disrespect and violations. In an effort to be a good person, to be loving and loyal, I have remained in relationships that are dysfunctional and bad for me for far too long.
I am letting this go, which is one of my deeper paths of healing.
(31) POOR BOUNDARIES.
THIS is one of the core lessons of my life! It’s connected to people not honoring me. I am just now unpacking even more about this as a result of my breakdown a few years ago. I was not taught about boundaries — where I started and another ended, what was mine and what was other, that I had the right to draw a line and have boundaries recognized and honored. My boundaries have been questioned, denied, gas lighted, manipulated, minimized, dismissed, violated and laughed at.
I’m learning another level of my NO and YES … and making no exceptions to my boundaries. Even if someone thinks I’m rigid, controlling or “too much”, my boundaries matter and are ESSENTIAL to my health and wealth!
(You can’t be an effective leader in business without strong boundaries.
You can’t be the best to your clients without strong boundaries.
You can’t make good money without strong boundaries. )
(32) CRAPPY FOOD.
Plain and simple. To be the vessel for high-vibe life force, I let go of foods that drain and dull me.
(33) DOING IT ALONE.
“I got it.” 3 words I’ve chanted for years. While there’s great value in the initiative and independence I’ve cultivated, there’s a limit to what I can do alone.
There are times my fear of not being able to depend on others developed into an overly high achieving ideal that left me exhausted and without the right support to feel held and to grow.
I have let go of my need to do it alone — hiring team, investing in mentors and coaches, being in masterminds and maintaining meaningful relationships with peers, friends and family.
WOW! What a list. I trust it will serve you in a meaningful way.
Here’s to LETTING GO.
With all that I am,
Kendra E Thornbury, MA
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