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Listen up, luscious lady!

The other day I was reminded of what it felt like to be flat broke.

Not because of a lack of money.

But because I questioned my worth.

And worth = wealth.

I was with someone who did not hold a presence that reflected my worth to me.

In fact, this person questioned, challenged and even attacked my voice, my feelings and my requests.

Through their communication, the unconscious message was:

“Your voice is not worthy of being understood.”
“Your feelings are not worthy of acknowledgment.”
“Your inner signals & sense of what is right for you is not worthy of validation.”
“Your requests are not worthy of respect.”
“Your boundaries are not worthy of honoring.”

I was thrust into a dismal familiar scenario I had known so well in the past.

Where I questioned if I knew what was right for me.
Where I doubted my feelings.

Where I compromised my well being.

Where I violated myself by trading my own inner wisdom and wealth for a dysfunctional approval quest.

BUT….

This time something different happened.

(New LuluRoe dress from my former client, Rachel Alcyone!)

The habit of unworthiness had faded into a faint pulse in my nervous system, and I was at choice.

I remained true to me.

I remembered that no person, no circumstance, no money, no external authority has ANY SAY in my worth.

I choose me.

I choose health.

I choose wealth.

I choose worth.

Dear glorious one.

I want this for you.

The knowingness of your total and complete worth.

Uncompromising.
Unapologetic.
Unwavering.

Each time you give in to the voice of unworthiness, you allow yourself to live in lack.

Stop letting the lie erode your well being, your finances and your freedom.

Call forth and remain fierce for the truth!

You are worthy.

No. Matter. What.

BECAUSE you are worthy of unlimited wealth and adoring goodness,

I also want to let you know…

…All kinds of greatness is emerging to support your wealth + freedom!

I’m super excited for all the BRAND new pathways I can serve you:

HEMP OIL

That’s right. I’ve joined the movement.

I believe this is one of the health + wealth revolutions of our time! 

Hemp oil is abundant in its benefits. Among them is decreasing inflammation, which is the leading cause or contributing factor for most of the physical, mental & emotional problems that we face.

I’m part of a company now that has the “most pure most potent” hemp extract on the market.

(There’s a sale ending today with $60 off bottles.)

>>> More here <<<

YOUR 1st or NEXT $10,000 MONTH, WEEK or HOUR

I remember when I manifested my first $10,000 month.

It changed e v e r y t h i n g!

My worn out perception of my unworthiness was replaced with the knowingness that I CAN AND DO create what I desire.

I just created a 5-Step Guide for my Wealthy Goddess women to help them manifest their 1st of next $10,000 month, week or hour.

I’ve decided to make it available to you. I’ll be releasing this in the next few weeks.

EMBODIED WEALTH

What does it really mean to be wealthy?

For me, it’s a daily way of being.

It’s not in an amount of money in my bank account.

In order for women to truly be free, we need spiritual and financial empowerment.

This will come from an EMBODIED experience of wealth.

I’m deeeeelighted to be collaborating again this year with my mentor and side-by, Connor Sauer!

We’re mentoring a small group of my 6 & 7 figure advanced clients in a 12 month journey.

While that is closed, we have decided to offer the “core curriculum” in a program sometime this summer! Stay tuned.

MUSICAL MANIFESTING AFFIRMATIONS

Another new delight! I’ll be partnering with the Soulful Siren Sarah Christine later this year to bring you our gifts of music, mindset and manifesting. More to come on this gem.

WAHOOO!

NOTE: The new currency LOVES collaboration.

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

ps. You are worthy. No. Matter. What.

I feel exhilarated and fueled in a new way this year.

I am CHOOSING a new dawn in my life.

I have done my work (big time!) and the wheel has turned.

I am laying down the past like a cloak that no longer fits, resolving to be the exalted expression of my true self!

The patterns that were holding me back have shaken lose from my system.

I am claiming life as a ceremony of sacred riches.

I have set my intentions for 2018!

My intentions are:

PROSPEROUS HEALTH: I am abundantly healthy. I am prospering IN my health, and I am prospering BECAUSE of my health. My health supports my prosperity and my prosperity supports my health.

EXCELLENCE: I live a standard of excellence for myself, my well being, my relationships and my business. I am discerning about the correct choices for me. I am in integrity with my body Soul, my agreements, my finances, my environment and my clients. I deliver excellence. I lead with excellence. I choose excellence over perfectionism and am liberated by a loving accountability rather than a harsh pressure to be impossibly perfect. I am gentle in my quest for excellence, leaving plenty of room for my messy humanity.

DEVOTED SERVICE: I am devoted to service. I am an instrument of change. I give myself to a mission beyond me and trust that who I am I am being is making a meaningful difference on the planet. I get out of my way. I stay aware of my personal agenda and ego motives, and return to the Soul of my purpose. I am a fierce and firm stand for more life for all. I am a servant leader. I am a catalyst for the awakening and a model of Feminine life-giving principles integrated into business and success. I remain humble and willing, consistently asking, “How can I serve today?”

RADIANCE & RESILIENCE: I am healthy to the core. I radiate health. I glow. I am nourished and full of nutrients that feed every aspect of my being.  My body, mind, emotions and spirit are strong. My body is clean, strong, flexible and firm. I am moving with grace and power through perimenopause. I am a radiant example of a woman in my late 40’s, aging in beauty. I have stamina and an amazing capacity for energy. I am resilient.

FINANCIAL FREEDOM: I am financially free. I am free from scarcity consciousness and am fully aligned with the true wealth that IS the nature of life. I am in harmony with money and allow it to serve my purpose in greater and greater amounts. I make amazing money by simply being me and providing incredible value to my clients and community. I have multiple streams of income. I am building new expressions of my business that allow for more money to reach me as I help more people. I invest well. I live in plenty. I am supported by money. I determine my financial security from within. I am content with what I have. I give generously. I am a distributor of wealth and circulate currency in ways that enlivens life.

DEEP PEACE & CONTENTMENT: I am at peace with WHO I AM. I am compassionate toward myself and practice self-acceptance. I embrace all my parts, especially the one’s that have previously been hard to love and that I have allowed to rob me of my peace. I am content in my body, mind, emotion, sexuality and soul.  I am at peace with people not liking me or judging me as I continue to be true to who I am and freely express my unique design, message and leadership. I am deeply at peace in my nervous system. All parts of my being are at peace with each other and align in harmony. I am at peace with the process of life and have faith in my unfolding, relinquishing desire to control outcomes. I have levity in my relationship with my mind chatter and perspective on my thoughts. I am at peace with the mystery and rest in the arms of Source with trust.

WAHOOO!

These feel so good to me!

I’d love to hear yours! Do share.

What INTENTIONS have you set for 2018??!

“Our intention creates our reality.” ~Wayne Dyer

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

WAHOOOO!

I’m declaring and LIVING health, wealth + freedom at new levels of feeling, expression and leadership.

Where I forgot my power, I remember.
Where I lost my faith, I see.
Where I doubted my value, I reclaim.

Happy prosperous, alive new year!

I look forward to serving you in 2018.

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

If you’re anything like me, you are ready for 2017 to be over!

Honesty, it’s been an extremely challenging year.

It required I DIG DEEP and get real with myself in a whole new way.

Faced with the shadows and my fears, I’ve remained devoted in service to my best life and to helping you live yours.

I’ve known on some level that the challenges were readying me for the next bold version of my mission expressed and my next abundant life revealed.

* I continued to re-build my health, stamina and resilience after my break down/spiritual crisis/dark night/awakening last year.

* I examined with greater honesty my loyalties – not through the lens of my espoused values and how I ideally want to see myself – but through the real day in and day out behaviors I was habitually engaging.

* I worked with my coach/mentor and it was not a “glamorous” process. I totally sabotaged myself and could see patterns that brought old shame. As a coach and mentor myself, I was totally judgmental and even mortified about not being an “ideal” client. But I could also see how I needed the loving container to do this messy work and grow beyond ways of being that were contributing to my anxiety and getting in the way of my next big accomplishments.

* I managed difficult situations/confrontations in my business, navigating a new kind of “projection” that can come from being out there in leadership and taking a strong stand for integrity and agreements.

* Speaking of agreements, because some people around me were breaking theirs, I used it as an opportunity to look into the mirror and ask where I have been out of alignment with mine. As such, I have been tightening things up and making amends where I broke my own agreements.

* I honored my anger and sense of urgency that arose from the political and social climate wrought with divisiveness, discrimination and disgrace. I examined where I may have become complacent, where I’m using my white privilege and where I need to make shifts in my business model to truly BE THE CHANGE.

While all this challenge worked me, humbled me and kept me vigilant in my choices, it is also true that I’ve had highlights of awesomeness.

Not only that, where I was once unable to see what gift(s) could possibly come from my latest dark night, I’m feeling a glimmer of light rising that genuinely excites me.

The light always returns.

That is one of the messages of the Winter Solstice.

The long day of darkness is necessary for the full cycle of life to bloom.

Here are some of my awesomeness highlights:

* I put my roots down in the beautiful hills in Boise and started creating home in a sweet condo.

* I planted seeds and flowers on my deck off my bedroom, which brought me great comfort and grounding.

* I spent quality time with my family here, with special outings and sleep overs with my amazing niece.

* I served amazing clients who had remarkable breakthroughs and experienced dreams come true.

* I facilitated transformational retreats in sacred Ojai and Sedona.

* I led an epic Wealthy Goddess LIVE in Santa Barbara.

* I brought my spiritual mentor into my program to honor her as an elder and to offer her unique wisdom to my clients.

* I co-facilitated 2 powerful Grief Retreats at one of my favorite places on Bainbridge Island, WA.

* I co-facilitated ongoing training and dialogues through some crunchy interpersonal communication and conflict for a beloved community of women.

* I co-facilitated my beloved annual spiritual retreat for a group of 50 women in WA.

* I deepened my connections with top notch women in my masterminds and sisters in business/leadership who are key to my success.

* I have not had a panic attack in 6 months. (!)

* I hired a new super star team member.

* I closed out one of my storage units in Seattle.

* I am eating even cleaner than I was (which already was health-full).  This includes choosing to not have alcohol now for 23 months.

* I am exercising regularly and feeling the mojo of my brain and body chemistry flowing in an elevated way.

* I am feeling a new strength through this rite of passage known as perimenopause.

WOW WOW WOW!

I am so thankful I created a thriving business to help me get through it all in a good way.

It provides time freedom to make time for what matters most.

In gratitude and the spirit of paying it forward, I offer this tool to help you create the most rich, alive, extraordinary and prosperous 2018.

It’s my joy to share this gift with you.

In “YOUR BEST YEAR YET”, you receive:

• My “2017 TOP 17 Success Formula”

• A 2017 “End of Year Inventory”

• What you need to do ensure greater prosperity in 2018

• 3 essentials to get clear on to rock out the new year

>> YOUR BEST YEAR YET

ENJOY. And here’s to our best year YET!

I am ready for mine!

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

ps. May you feel the glimmer of light return with even greater force.

My mess to success story.

It includes living in a cottage in the woods.

10 acres of glorious land on Bainbridge Island.

My devotion to simplicity and sustainability.

A dream to live a lifestyle where I did what I wanted, when I wanted WHILE being kind to mother earth and giving my unique gifts.

I intended to reinvent what it meant to be rich.

I didn’t want the trappings of achievement to define me.

(Here I am in 2007 in the meadow after a fresh snow.)

I loved it there. I loved the beauty.

I loved the small intentional community we created.
I loved shared dinners and authentic connection.

I loved chopping my wood and having my own fire stove.

I believed there was a more essential connection with Source and nature that I could tap, which would create a more lasting and secure kind of wealth.

I found it. Within.

But not without having a reality check about money.

I majorly struggled in those early years of business.

Nothing was more daunting to me than the potential of having to let go of my ideals for living on my terms.

Yet I couldn’t pay my bills. AHHHH!

So I had a talk with God.

I told God that I wanted to know the secret to making money!

That if I really am going to be an agent of change, I need the resources to be flowing with ease so that I can focus on what I’m here to do.

I remember that spring doing one of my first launches.

I tripled my income. WEEEEEE!!!!

It was working.

I’ll tell you right now one of the BIGGEST shifts that happened inside me to allow that money to finally flow in is that I stopped feeling like a beggar to the Universe, pleading for help and feeling ashamed and sorry for myself.

I realized that I was feeling like a VICTIM to money, and that it if I wanted to make more money, I had to take responsibility.

From there I adopted a mindset that turned it all around for me.

=====================================
Here’s the evolution of the process:

1) I was full of money shame and sick of feeling like sh*t about myself.

2) I told God it was time to show me how to make money and I set the record straight that I am rich and would not accept anything less.

3) I shifted from feeling like a beggar and victim who was pleading for help to choosing to be the creator of my reality.

4) I got compassionately and radically honest with myself about how I was hiding and sabotaging what I said I wanted.
(You gotta take ownership for ALL of it if you are truly going to stop being a victim!)

5) I created the mindset to match what I wanted.

6) I became rigorous in applying Universal laws like the Law of Attraction.

7) I commanded my value, believing there was a mission beyond me in service to my clients who needed me. I took ownership of my gifts and called on the help to package them in a way that made sense and was compelling to clients.

8) I infused my relationship with money and wealth with the sacred tools I’d been using for years, but had not connected the dots that they could work together.

9) I loved up my Feminine — honoring the qualities that I had believed were “in the way” of business — and made them THE WAY.

10) I unleashed my Masculine (in balance with the Feminine).
I took action.
I took inspired action.
I took a lot of action.
I took action when I wasn’t ready.
I took action when I was uncomfortable.
I took action when I was scared.
I took action when I knew I’d be imperfect.
I took action when I was in resistance.
I took action when I was passionate.
I took action when I didn’t know what came after that action.

You get the point. I TOOK ACTION.

Does this help?

========================================

I’ll be revealing more about this money mindset and the art of manifesting at Wealthy Goddess LIVE November 19-21.

If you are ready to immerse yourself into a new consciousness that help you stop pushing upstream and learn how to live IN the stream that creates your desired manifestations, JOIN US!

Really. We are at LAST CALL this weekend.

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

ps. Here’s more of what you have to look forward to…

Set your tone and foundation for 2018! What will tripling your income next year do for your life????

* Tap into the forgotten secrets & ancient wisdom in the Women’s Mysteries
* Deepen your understanding and embodiment of the Divine Feminine
* Discover what it takes to become a masterful and effortless manifestor
of money and abundance
* Gain clarity and confidence to stand in the authority of your core power
so that your message and voice are unshakably clear
* Grow your ability to be the commanding fierce leader who holds healing
presence and influences audiences just by being you
* Unlock the sensual, natural, radiant and wildly attractive force of the Feminine
* Align your business more fully and wholly to your unique essence and Divine Design
* Advance your walk with the elements and Universal law for greater ease and fulfillment
* Access Source and creative intelligence for ease in producing art, programs, copy writing, articles and more
* Know how to handle the bigger energies of visibility, power and wealth
* Remove blockages and expand into your sacred medicine
* Anchor in your purpose as a lightworker and luminary in these rapidly changing times
* Awaken your soul’s gifts even further so you are masterful at helping others

>>> www.wealthygoddesslive.com

“Nothing comes into manifestation without the Feminine!” ~ Connor Sauer

OK Ladies. Divas. Priestesses.

Mothers. Queens. Sisters.

Holy transmitters of awesomeness.

Vessels of prosperity.

Carriers of Feminine truths.

It’s time to put a STOP to the crazy quest for more more more by being less less less of who you really are!!!!

I mean, hello??

The new paradigm of WEALTH + money-love is just staring you in the face, asking you to take a good look at the value and worth you already ARE so that you LET yourself be funded and provided for in your purpose.

ENOUGH.

Enough of the twisted antics that you’ve been taught to use in order to get ahead.

Placating.
Pretending.
Playing nice.
Pleasing.

I know. I’ve been there.

I became who I thought society wanted me to be in order to succeed.

Bit by bit I lost myself in a cloud of disassociated and disembodied separation.

I hid who I was to get ahead.

UNTIL.

I felt the stir of what I now know to be the Feminine Returning.

I knew there had to be a way to lead my life and manifest what I desired without contorting myself.

I CRAVED authenticity.

I wanted to make money. A lot of it. But I didn’t want to do it at the expense of my health or my values.

Oh, and FREEDOM. Give me freedom, baby. Nothing less will do for my soul.

And then. The Universe answered my call.

In a series of magical unfoldings, I was invited into a women’s community.

It was here that I slowly let down the armor I had built around my Feminine spirit.

It was here that I met Connor Sauer.

Enough about me. More on Connor soon.

Let’s talk about YOU for a minute.

You are ready to step it up.
You are ready to make a lot more money.
You are ready to help more people.

And you are willing to do what it takes.

Let me get clear.

Because “what it takes” in my book is not
what we grew up with as girls.

What it took then — compromising your body.
What it took then — making choices that violated your sexuality.
What it took then — dismissing your inner knowing.
What it took then — becoming overly masculine.

So, sister. Let me be crystal clear.

When I say “do what it takes” I am NOT advocating you continue to BETRAY yourself in order to succeed.

GOT IT????!!!

This is important.

Because women come to me ALL THE TIME who have achieved a certain level of success but they crammed themselves into a box that they are now clamoring to get out of.

Ding ding ding!

This is where the FEMININE wants to serve you.

Connor was my mentor in the Feminine Mysteries (and so much more).

She taught me about cycles. And my “moon”. It was in her leadership that I discovered the notion that my BLOOD WAS SACRED.

She taught me there is a wisdom in my body. That there is a deeper walk of being that I could enter into through listening to myself.

She taught me that creation is to be honored, and through that act of honoring, more would be revealed.

She taught me to be “empty of myself”. To purify and release.

She taught me that I had medicine. And a Divine Design.

Women, I can’t tell you how excited and humbled I am to be in a place — 23 years after my first initiation into the Feminine Mysteries– where I’ve stepped into a collaboration with Connor.

She’s an elder, a pioneer, a mystic, a grandmother.

She is a messenger for these times.

And she is coming to Wealthy Goddess LIVE!

If you feel the call to join us, now is the time to take action.

Both she and I are at an all-time high place of discernment in who we work with.

We are NOT interested in mentoring women who are going to “dabble” or who get easily distracted by the next bright shiny object.

We ARE interested in mentoring women who want to discover a new walk with leadership, wealth and business that is a deep practice of devotion and service.

As she quotes above, nothing comes into manifestation without the Feminine.

What I see for you, soulful woman, is a pathway opening.

It’s a pathway where creation comes to being through you and as you.

It’s easeful. It’s honest. It’s true.

And it’s a model of being that will allow for and attract to you the greatest desires of your soul.

JOIN US.

We are returning to our Divine Design.

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

Death is a relentless teacher.

It doesn’t ever go away.

Its presence in our journey is real and inevitable.

I’ve honestly had an extremely difficult time with death in the last 20 + months since the onset of my nervous breakdown and anxiety attacks.

MORE on that painstaking period in a minute…

First I want to share the news that my great aunt Lavern passed away the other night.

I give honor and gratitude for her life.

She was the first in her family to go to college and was proud of her business degree.

Tenacious and loyal (it runs in the family), she was the last of her generation on my dad’s side.

(Me, Lavern & my sister in Georgia, September 11, 2015.  I loved that sassy twinkle I always saw in her eyes!)

I love you, Lavern. Fly free.

Her passing and my grief brought me close to emotion that I have not been able to touch in a while without collapsing in on myself.

This brings me back to my reference of the fear of death that surfaced with my health crisis last year.

If you weren’t aware yet (we have hundreds of new members in my community!)…

… Last year I was unexpectedly and abruptly thrust into a health crisis that had me completely undone.

I was in Sedona, Arizona leading a VIP day with a client.

The night of our successful day, I was cozied in my room feeling the gratification of another day well spent in service to women’s empowerment…

… and suddenly the room started spinning.

The days that followed were consumed with severe fear.

Heart palpitations, awful nausea, constant shakes & more.

Little did I know that this was just the beginning of many many months of symptoms, and the start of a dark night of my soul that would crack me open like never before.

It was an amalgamation of things that led to this break down.

To name a few….

* An ending of a relationship that was representative of a lifetime pattern of losing myself in childhood wounds and dysfunction

* The awakening on the planet that was calling me out to my next level of expansion and leadership

* Unhealed parts that were no longer able to remain un-integrated and stored away in the dark recesses of my unconscious

* The initiation of perimenopause

HOLY GODDESS. I was unraveling.

When my attacks would set in, the terror was unlike anything I ever experienced. It totally gripped me, and I was convinced I was dying.

My nervous system would freak out and I’d be consumed by fight/flight/fright mode. I sincerely believed I was in imminent danger.

I took this picture while flattened in bed.

Why am I showing you this vulnerable picture?!!

Why am I divulging details of my worst times?!!

In some schools of thought, this could be the demise of my business.

I could lose clients as on lookers (maybe you!) pull away from me, unsure if I’m qualified to hold myself together long enough to serve you well.  But the truth is. I don’t give a sh*t.

My greater commitment is to being true to myself.

And if I lose business being true myself, then it was never good business for me to begin with.

ALSO….

I am committed to the NEW PARADIGM of leadership, which requires transparency.

We are drowning (literally in some cases as mother earth does her part in waking us up) in the ripples of shadowy leadership.

We need a new norm in leadership that includes a compassionate space in which our humanity is welcomed and integrity is upheld.

We can’t do this when leaders are hiding in polished pseudo representations of life that don’t even exist.

Not only do leaders get entangled in a web of deceit and lies that inevitability catches them, followers are disillusioned about what and who they can really trust.

So. Death.

Death is persistent. Its pursuit is a gift reminding us of the preciousness of life.

When I was holding a candle light vigil for Lavern, feeling her transition to another dimension of being, I could hear deaths whisper.

“Live, live, LIVE! Now is the time. Don’t put off doing and
being what you most long for. When it’s over, it’s over.”

I am slowly getting to know the teachings of my dark night, including the fear of death.

What I can say for sure is that one of my biggest fears is regret.

In certain times when my panic has taken over and the pressure of “time” feels compressed, I am scared it is over.

I am not ready! I’m not ready to die! I’m not ready to be done with this life.

I’m still attached to being Kendra. I’m still wanting so much more out of this life.

And when it IS over, I want to feel in every fiber of my being that I did what I came to do and walked a path that fulfilled my soul in the most meaningful ways.

I won’t be on my deathbed plagued with regret.

Thank you for helping me see the lessons, Lavern!

Now, sister.

I want you to take this heartfelt share seriously!!

Let it touch the places in you longing to come out of slumber.

Let it arouse your fear of death – not in a panic way – but in a healthy way that helps you keep the perspective of the short time you have here to be ALIVE.

If this message speaks to you and you know that your awakening is in motion at a level that requires more tools to grow your leadership and gifts, take my invitation to join us at Wealthy Goddess LIVE.

NOTE that I’m not for everyone, so please take the time to read the page and make a considered yet intuitive decision as to whether you are ready to show up in your fullness and richness through my powerful mentoring.

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

ps Life is short. Life is precious. Do what matters. Be true to you.

>>> Wealthy Goddess LIVE

Let us gaze at our SHADOW with the same curiosity, wonder and awe as we do the Solar Eclipse!

That is part of its medicine.

The darkness covers what is typically light.

And rather than be threatened by it, we lean in with the holy reminder of the MYSTERY of life.

Our perceptions change as we adjust to a phenomena that removes the routine of time and lifts us into a HARMONIC understanding of  dark and light.

There is a RE-SET happening. It began with a serious cleansing of patterns that are not aligned with your new operating system.

Does it feel like things are worse for you lately?
Are you irritable?
Are you experiencing a lot of body talk?
Are old wounds and dramas rearing their head from the past? (That
you thought you were complete with, thank you very much!)
Are your emotions amplified?

The shadow is at play, inviting you to break the chains that its had on you. The chains are NOT the shadow itself.
The chains are the DENIAL of your shadow.

It’s personal. It’s collective.

What you see in the “screen” of the social & political scene is the effect of shadow. We can judge it, condemn it, blame it, be mad at it. But that just keeps it alive.

We are SEEING the shadow. This is GOOD news.

It’s not hiding anymore. It’s not a secret anymore.
It’s coming to the light.

Compassion, understanding, empathy, forgiveness, love and gratitude are the salves for the shadow — raising it out from the binding realms of the forbidden.

This is a time for you to be compassionately and radically HONEST with yourself!

Enough of the denial and deceit.
Enough with the excuses and attitudes.

What pattern(s) are you done with? BE SPECIFIC.

You have the opportunity to seriously re-set your system.

Get real and surrender to the gift of TOTALITY.

The wholeness of all that you are.

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

Business “as usual” is impossible this week.

The white supremacists left me feeling disgusted and  sick to my stomach!!

And don’t even get me started on the president’s unacceptable lack of leadership by not denouncing it with the fervent moral standing the event calls for.

(He left the press conference yesterday boasting about owning a winery in Charlottesville. Really??? Are you f***-ing kidding me??)

Chants like, “Jews will not replace us” & “Go the f**k back to Africa” reverberate in my awareness.

The attempt to get to normal day to day tasks? Ah, yeah.  It hasn’t worked.

That’s because nothing is normal. Far from it.

It feels ethically irresponsible to remain silent.

I didn’t want to just message you touting the benefits of creating a lifestyle of freedom this week.

Now, I am not going to do a dive bomb into shaming myself for the success I’ve created.

OR do a 180 and start condemning the quest for lifestyle freedom. (Because the core values are needed more than ever!)

BUT.

Seriously. Do you really need another picture of me with my hair blowing in the wind on the beach today??

I think not!

What I AM going to offer is the space for us to get real in service to HEALING the divide, transforming the hurts and undoing the deeply disturbing beliefs that lead to racism, extreme hatred and violence.

I AM going to get conscious to what this event is arousing in us and what it’s asking of me and my leadership.

I AM going to continue to ask the hard questions and shine the light on the shadows.

I’ll start with this.

I benefit from white privilege.

My wealth has been made more easily accessible, in part, because of my white privilege.

I take that seriously.

Truth is.

Sometimes I’m ashamed that my success is built upon the history and a system that oppressed and STILL oppresses black and indigenous people.

In fact, I put a considerable amount of thought, prayer and deliberation into my choice to become an entrepreneur and to make more money knowing this.

I resisted becoming successful in the ways I have because I was SO TERRIFIED I would just get swept up in a fantasy world that denied that so many of my brothers and sisters suffer and still struggle with BASIC human rights.

I felt repulsed at the prospect of contributing to the very system that I want to be part of undoing.

Truth is. I do live a life that represents only a small percentage of the population. (And I’m determined to change that!)

Times like this remind me of WHY I took the leap into business in the first place.

After returning from Africa in 2005, I was forever imprinted by the souls I encountered. The poverty and corruption I was exposed to and the reality of people – especially children – living in those conditions shocked me out of my comfort zone.

I came face to face with the reality of white privilege when in Nigeria in a way I never had.

I could see how the color of my skin gave me a pass to reality in a way that the people of that culture knew nothing of.

Sometimes, I felt like a celebrity there. People would flock to me.

There was an automatic power that was frightening to feel.

And, let’s face it. Part of why we were there was to raise awareness and open doors that only could be opened because of our skin color.

When I got back from Nigeria the first time, I swore to myself that I would always stay humble and in deep gratitude for my privileges. AND… not only that … I would USE them as an instrument of change.

I believe I’ve done well by this pledge.
I believe these times are asking for more.

I am evaluating… Am I doing enough?

I’m not asking from the parts like my obsessive perfectionist or inner critic that I still dance with around my enoughness.

I’m asking from the part of me that is a responsible caring fellow citizen and established leader dedicated to change.

Without judgment.

* Have I become lazy?
* Have I become complacent?
* Am I hiding in my personal growth beliefs?
* Am I justifying my success at the expense of others?
* Have I lost sight of the “WE” in pursuing “ME”?
* Do I take my privilege too much for granted?

I don’t know.

It’s necessary to ask.

I’m willing. And frankly, I feel obligated.

I invite you to do the same.

Without judgment.

Truth is. It’s time.

In this moment.

I’m feeling LOW as I navigate the heaviness of a migraine again.

I planned on unpacking boxes and nesting more today in my new home.
I planned on exercising. I planned on readying my temple for a productive week ahead.

Instead, I’m laying flat. In pain.

And you know what? I’m noticing a part of me judging myself.

I’m lazy.
I have no value.
I should be able to pull myself together and get
productive.
I should be better than this.

Really? Because I have an extreme headache??!!!

Interestingly, I’ve been doing big healing this last 18 +months around self-love and have realized at another level a VERY harsh inner critic. Berating. Punitive.

I cower in her presence. She tears me down.

I hadn’t really recognized how deep and erosive this part of me is.

I just thought it was a normal part of life to live with this punishing voice. I just thought it was “their issue” (It’s been mirrored to me in relationships).

I just filled my anxiety about it with numbing tactics.

Over the decades it’s been a variety of agents–alcohol to dissociation to drama in relationships. Even my travels and personal growth quests at times were forms of escape hidden
in disguise.

Decades of this pattern has wreaked havoc on me. Last year it contributed to a break down. My body and being just couldn’t and wouldn’t hold the damage that had built up over the years.

I’ve also been able to see its debilitating effect on my writing. My book has stalled to the point of great anxiety for me at times.

While the pain has brought me to my knees time and again, I know that this is part of a greater healing.

I’m doing what it takes. Showing up for it.
Feeling the feelings. Facing the fears.

I’m discovering how to LOVE myself more fully and unconditionally.

Wow. I can’t believe I wrote all that. Through squinty eyes and pulsing temples, I took to writing to help the energy move.
(My book coaches would be pleased.)

With all that I am,

Kendra E Thornbury, MA

ps. This too shall pass.

I look forward to serving you this week…