I believe THIS is the message you need today!!
Not a box of chocolates.
Not a dozen roses.
Not a validation someone remembered you.
All those things, while sweet, are a temporary fix that … for most people… don’t get to the HEART of what we most deeply long for.
So, here it is.
The highest & most radical form of love is…
...SELF love.
All else extends from there.
In order to feel at peace, totally content and free -which on some level is what we all want – we need to Love ourselves.
The 3 most prominent mistaken beliefs that diminish self-love
(and cause a cascade of disappointment, lack and hurt):
1) You need someone to feel loved.
2) You are unlovable.
3) Love is conditional.
Let’s break this down a bit further.
Mistaken Belief #1 = *YOU NEED SOMEONE TO FEEL LOVED*
There’s no denying that receiving the love of another is rewarding. It’s comforting and fulfilling to feel adored, cherished and gifted from someone’s affection.
But two things.
One is that if you are caught in the cycle of needing someone’s love to FEEL lovable, whole or complete…
… you will always be left with a sense of emptiness or lack. Not only that, you will be trapped by the desire for an outside force to validate your existence.
Sure, we are relationship-oriented and love to be loved. To see ourselves in and through one another. To amplify our experience in connection with others.
However. Most take that too far, needing another to define, validate or “make them complete”, which leaves you in a state of helplessness and disempowerment.
(Note that most of this is an unconscious dance. Take a few moments to really take this in and reflect on any truth it may be illuminating for you.)
The 2nd point here is that when you believe that you need someone to love you, you are limiting the amount of love that you can receive.
See, we can only receive from the “outside” what we give ourselves first. Filling yourself with the essence and embodiment of love will then allow you to attract and experience love from others in greater magnitude.
Mistaken Belief #2 =*YOU ARE UNLOVABLE*
What’s unlovable about you?
Come on. We all have at least one thing.
We keep it hidden and stuffed away because we are afraid that if anyone knew, they’d reject us.
It could be a self-hatred you’ve developed for a part of your body or personality.
It could be a wound from your past that you carry shame about.
It could be a choice or an action you took sometime in your life that you believe is unforgivable.
Secretly, you believe there is something about you that is ugly, embarrassing, unacceptable or the “deal breaker” that will strip you of your lovable status.
Unfortunately, you’ve only just rejected yourself… punishing yourself for these parts and pinching off true love.
My invitation to you is to embrace these parts of yourself. Really spend quality time opening your heart to loving the parts, expanding your ability to be loved. It starts with you.
Regardless of what you may believe, you are 100% lovable!
Mistaken Belief #3 = *LOVE IS CONDITIONAL*
I believe the majority of people in our culture operate from an immature model of love.
There are all these games.
Like…
“I love you if you act like this.”
“I don’t love you if you behave like that.”
“My love depends on if you express yourself like this.”
These confining and limited definitions of love destroy our self-esteem and self-expression.
We take this conditional model and then contort ourselves into the boxes that we come to know as the parameters for getting love.
We misunderstand that really, these limits are not about us, they are about the people who have constructed the conditions in order to feel safe.
Real love is unconditional.
It loves you for who you are.
It loves your imperfections.
It loves your shadows.
It seeks no reward.
It has no agenda.
It is accepting.
It doesn’t want anything for you but your genuine happiness.
My invitation to you today is to make a declaration of self love! To take a radical step in your freedom by CHOOSING to love yourself. All of you.
This is my pledge to myself today.
I’m going to write myself a love letter, continue to nurture the parts of me that feel unlovable, forgive myself for the incidents that I have been harboring resentment or shame about and expand my ability to hold deep compassion for my self.
JOIN ME IN THIS QUEST, won’t you?
Here’s to your self-love and greater health, happiness and freedom.
Loving you….
With all that I am,
Kendra E Thornbury, MA
“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.”
~Marianne Williamson
